Date:  25-May-87 21:28 PDT
From:  JON L. OLSON [75046,2325]
Subj:  HI

 Here's a little story for your amusement.
******************************

     Once upon a time, there was a private in the army, who was very
 tired of being a private, so he went to his sergeant and said, "Sarge, I'm an
 inventor, and I've just come up with the design for the world's greatest
 koosch, which will put us light-years ahead of the Russians."  Now, since the
 sarge didn't want to admit that he didn't know what a koosch was, he took
 the private to a lieutenant.

      The sergeant said, "Sir, I've found a man who can produce the design
 for a koosch for us, one far superior to anything the Russians are working on
 now.

      Since the lieutenant didn't want his sergeant to know that he didn't
 know what a koosch was, he immediately snapped into action and called his
 captain.

      The lieutenant said, "Sir, as per standing orders, I've conducted an
 intensive search for a man who can help us with our koosch design, and I've
 come up with a private who seems to have some very interesting ideas."

      Now, the captain didn't know anything more about the koosch than anyone
else did, so he called his colonel.

      The captain said, "Sir, I'm pleased to inform you that my koosch
 research program has finally reached fruition.  I've come up with a man who
 is a positive genius in the field."  The colonel, chagrined at being kept in
 the dark, therefore called his general, who had top-security clearance.

     The colonel said, "Sir, I've finally found the man everyone seems
 to be looking for. I've kept myself well aprised of the current research
 available on the subject, and I think I've found the man to finally solve the
 koosch problem."  The general, sure that he'd grown senile and had
 forgotten to read the latest memos from the Pentagon, called the Joint Chiefs
 of Staff and explained the situation; the Chiefs, good friends all, admitted
 to each other that they didn't know what a koosch was either--but since
 their ignorance would surely be interpreted by the Russians as the
 signal for a first strike, issued the following directive:  give the private
 anything he needs to produce a koosch as soon as possible."

      The scene now shifts to the Mojave Desert:  a twelve-foot chain-link,
 electrified fence is erected around ten square miles of secluded territory.
 Ravening dogs and teams of sharpshooters patrol the perimeter, and
 air cover is around the clock.  Within the fence is a gigantic tent
 requisitioned from Barnum and Bailey and stocked with twenty-two tons of the
 finest quality stainless steel and titanium reinforcement, along with a
 constant stream of replenished welding tanks.  Within the steel sits the
 koosch man, frantically welding things together and insisting that since the
 koosch is such an experimental design, only he is qualified and safe to do the
 work.  The mammoth labor takes over two years, but finally the call goes out
 to all the capitals of the free world:
"The koosch is ready!"

     The Joint Chiefs of Staff said, "What more is needed?"

     The koosch man said, "It must be transported to the Atlantic
 Ocean--right beside the Statue of Liberty--as soon as possible."

     In a matter of minutes a huge fleet of Sikorsky Skyhooks, mammoth twin-
engine helicopters, was dispatched to the Mojave, and the koosch, still swathed
in the immense tent, was hoisted into the sky and inched toward the East. 
 Virtually every man in the armed services was pressed into the convoy to
 guard the koosch against terrorist attack, and meanwhile every leader
 friendly to the United States began their pilgrimage to New York.

     Finally the great moment was at hand.  No less than a thousand
 helicopters strained at the koosch, holding it over the harbor.  Thousands
 of dignataries lined the docks, cheering on the immense effort.  The
 President himself stood with the private as the seconds ticked off and
 the final calulations unfolded from the Cray Supercomputer, pressed into
 service for final time.  At last the private nodded and pushed the button,
 signaling the pilots, who acting as one man hit the cable realeases, and the
 koosch fell thousands of feet into the harbor.  As it hit the water, it went 

KOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

       Everyone got all wet, too!